“The best outcome for our child is when you leave on Friday.”

That is what one of the parents said to me on Tuesday. Seems harsh doesn’t it?

So, let me set the context to this rather forward statement…

I will put my hand up, from the off, and say I did something wrong. I made an unguarded comment to another parent about the child’s behaviour, and I used the phrase “Pot. Kettle. Black.”  That was my stupid mistake, (even though, in the context, it was actually completely applicable and my wife, who works in HR says it was justifiable). I will let you decide if the child’s parents’ response was measured or reasonable.

Pot calling the kettle black by Petras Gagilas
https://www.flickr.com/photos/gagilas/6090739229

The child in question is a pain to teach, let’s call him X.

His behaviour is disrespectful to the adults, rude to the other children and, in some cases, potentially harmful (deliberately hitting, tripping, pushing and in one case, poking another child in the eye with a pencil). If he is told off for the aforementioned behaviours, after denying he has done any of it, he will usually have a screaming tantrum about it, throw his weight around and lash out, often knocking into other children “by accident”. X may still be only 5, but unlike some of the ‘challenging’ children who I have taught in the past, who maybe have SEN or are still developing socially, X is very switched on, very bright and fully aware of his actions.

This picture has nothing to do with poor behaviour but it’s lightened the mood a bit.

Any teacher will tell you that having to deal with a child like this, day in, day out and their unrelenting low-level disruption is very, very wearying. Couple this with similar behaviour continually demonstrated by another child in my class (who, in her defence, currently has a horrible home life, which is the cause of her behaviour issues) and it all builds up to a very draining and trying situation.

The particular incident happened at the end of a day of appallingly bad behaviour by X. He continued to make poor choices during the sharing assembly where parent’ are invited in to watch (flailing around on the stage on his back, for example, instead of sitting properly).   At the end of the assembly a parent (not X’s) came to tell off the girl sitting next to X because she had been poking X and apparently X had been trying to get her to stop, for five minutes. I don’t believe for an instant that X is guiltless in this situation.  At that point, feeling tired, stressed and frayed, I made the offhand comment “Pot, kettle, black, that child.” Which I shouldn’t have said but I sill stand by.

After school, one of the SLT happened to come into the classroom and I let off steam about the child’s appalling behaviour to her, which was fortunate, as I believe doing so gave me some grace the following day…

This also has nothing to do with behaviour management, I’m just sticking in any weird stuff, now.
http://www.popcrunch.com/34-pictures-that-defy-explanation/?img=176061

The next morning, having put it out of my mind, the child’s mum storms in and tells me “I’ve reported you for that incident.” Not sure what she was talking about she says that it is the ‘Pot, kettle, black’ statement and

“Why do we never hear anything good about X? Why is his behaviour only like this at school?”

I apologised for using the phase and asked if we could have a longer talk after school, which she said she couldn’t do and ‘if I was going to say something like that, it goes straight to the Head.’

Cryface.

Through the day, I thought what the appropriate thing to do was, I spoke to SLT, who were aware of what X has been like (thankfully, in part, due to the previous night’s conversation), admitted my mistake, explained the context and said I would try to make amends with the parents that evening. School, thankfully, were cool with that.

So, at the end of the day (which also happened to be the day it was announced I was leaving), I spoke to X’s dad and apologised again to which he grunted “You’ve said sorry, that’s enough.” I replied that it wasn’t and that we needed to put things in place to work out the best outcomes for X. Then he said “The best outcome for X is when you leave on Friday.” The shutters then came down and he would not hear anything more.

Lalalalalala. Can’t hear you.

So, you may think I did something wrong (and I did) and side with the parent’s point of view. But let’s look at this objectively:

1. The parents were not present for the incident, so heard about it through a third party.
2. They did not come to speak to me about it first (which, even if they are justifiably pissed off, would be the appropriate course of action).
3. They went direct to the SLT, so they should allow me the right to reply and explain but they did not have the good grace to do that.

Having spoken to colleagues who have known the family for several years about it, the consensus is that X’s parents are unpleasant people who have (to quote one of them) “ruined that child”.  There was an incident in F2 when X was having a tantrum that he shouted “My dad says I don’t have to do what the teachers tell me.” That sums it all up.  If the parents think the sun shines out of X’s arse and are not on board with the school, it is fighting an uphill and losing battle.

The head, at one of the first schools I helped at, told me that ‘the parents can be the biggest children of all.’  It turns out they can also be the biggest arseholes.

Addendum:

Interestingly, a few days later, X’s big sister dropped him off at school and X was an absolute nightmare before registration: not making good choices, rolling around on the floor, doing other children’s morning jobs. His sister will have witnessed me speak to X several times and him ignore me each time. That afternoon, his mum, for the first time EVER, was interested in where X had ended up on the behaviour chart.

I don’t know if it’s related. I guess I never will.